A conference devil’s in the dictionary
16 November 2015
Veteran Conference speaker Derek Long, has drafted “another page from the housing textbook for the University of Life” to help you get through your next conference. “Whether you’ve been caught resting your eyes just too long in the morning plenary or returning from an important break out session in a nearby pub, these are the topics to distract your boss with,” he says.
SAP RATING:
The degree to which you believe the government will honour commitments on renewables funding
BENEFIT CAP:
A poorly designed item whose headroom shrinks over time
HANDCART:
The vehicle that social housing is currently travelling in
HARROGATE:
What older housing professionals call Manchester
EFFICIENCY SAVINGS:
Cuts
CUTS:
An ill-considered reduction in your budget
SAVINGS:
The judicious reallocation of your colleagues’ under-used resources
THE PUBLIC SECTOR:
Whatever the prime minister says it is today
COUNCIL HOUSING:
What housing associations hope the TV reporter calls their stock after a gas explosion
ALMO
A trial separation (see also The Crimea)
AWAYDAY:
An event with an overnight stay in an expensive hotel so the chief executive can get to grips with … a colleague. (Derived from the original phrase Have it Awayday)
NB Awaydays often result in ALMOs
NOVATE:
To downgrade the chief executive’s lease car deal from a Jaguar to a Vauxhall
RENOVATE:
To replace the chief executive’s lease car with a bicycle allowance
PEAK DEBT:
A statement incomprehensible to modern students
STAKEHOLDERS:
Colleagues who are always ready to hammer their points home (See Dr Van Helsing)
BOILER REPLACEMENT PROGRAMME:
A male chauvinist chief executive’s solution to his mid-life crisis
NB Boiler replacement always results in an ALMO
CONVEYANCING:
The act of transfering a valuable commodity – i.e. money – to your solicitors
VALUE FOR MONEY CONSULTANT:
A person who borrows your watch to tell you the time … and then recommends you buy a new watch, but more cheaply.